$BASTETDivine Coverage
A broke mortal insurance broker is hired by Bastet the cat goddess to underwrite divine accidents before they erase humanity, forcing him to broker peace between gods who treat destruction like Tuesday.
A broke mortal insurance broker is hired by Bastet the cat goddess to underwrite divine accidents before they erase humanity, forcing him to broker peace between gods who treat destruction like Tuesday.
Synopsis
In a world where gods still walk among us but never pay their bills, Divine Coverage is the only firm brave enough to insure them. When Bastet’s latest ‘playful’ rampage levels half of Cairo, the company assigns its most desperate adjuster to her policy. What starts as paperwork spirals into a global game of cat-and-mouse as every pantheon tries to cash in on the chaos. The adjuster discovers Bastet isn’t causing accidents—she’s punishing mortals who deserve it. As lawsuits pile up from Zeus, Anubis, and a vengeful HOA of lesser deities, he must rewrite the rules of divine insurance before the next claim ends the world. One signature could save civilization or unleash the ultimate deductible.
The story
Broke adjuster Landon Vale gets the Bastet file after her Cairo incident; he meets the goddess in a sunlit temple where she toys with him like a mouse.
Landon juggles rival gods filing copycat claims while Bastet escalates her ‘accidents’ to teach humanity a lesson, forcing him to choose between his career and cosmic justice.
Landon rewrites the policy to hold gods accountable, stages a divine tribunal, and brokers a deal that keeps both mortals and immortals insured—barely.
The cast
Sarcastic mid-level insurance adjuster one missed quota away from unemployment who suddenly handles the most powerful client in existence.
dream cast: Ryan Reynolds
Egyptian cat goddess who ‘accidentally’ destroys cities when mortals cross her; charming, ruthless, and obsessed with perfect claims.
dream cast: Zendaya
Jackal-headed god of death who sees divine insurance as a threat to his soul-harvesting monopoly and constantly audits the firm.
dream cast: Oscar Isaac
Landon’s no-nonsense mortal colleague who keeps the office running while secretly writing the company’s secret divine actuarial tables.
dream cast: Awkwafina
Thunder god who files endless frivolous claims for lightning damage and tries to seduce every adjuster into lowering premiums.
dream cast: Chris Hemsworth
Dream crew
in the style of Taika Waititi — quirky divine comedy king
in the style of Phoebe Waller-Bridge — razor wit + mythic bite
in the style of Michael Giacchino — epic yet playful swells
Cold open
INT. LUXOR TEMPLE RUINS - NIGHT Moonlight slices through shattered columns. LANDON VALE, 32, rumpled suit, clutches a clipboard like a shield. At the altar sits BASTET in human form—elegant, golden-eyed, idly batting a priceless scarab between her paws. BASTET Your form says ‘comprehensive.’ My last vase disagrees. Landon’s pen hovers. A distant crash echoes—another ‘accident.’ LANDON We… we can add an act-of-god rider— Bastet smiles. The scarab shatters. Lights flicker. The temple groans. BASTET Accidents happen. Especially when they deserve it.
Why now
In an era of endless cat memes, billion-dollar insurance scandals, and collective exhaustion with untouchable power, audiences crave a satirical romp that lets mortals finally make the gods pay—literally—while delivering the chaotic feline energy we can’t stop scrolling.
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