$NOWHERENowhere Near The Shops
A suburban dad on a simple errand spirals into surreal chaos while repeatedly insisting he is nowhere near the shops, forcing his family to question if he even exists anymore.
A suburban dad on a simple errand spirals into surreal chaos while repeatedly insisting he is nowhere near the shops, forcing his family to question if he even exists anymore.
Synopsis
Frank, a forgetful father, leaves for milk and vanishes into a looping nightmare of wrong turns, doppelgangers, and increasingly bizarre locations, yet every text or call begins with the same phrase: he is not at the shops. His wife and kids race to track him while reality frays around them, with strangers claiming to have seen him everywhere except the grocery aisle. As the denials multiply, Frank confronts whether he’s lost his mind or the world itself refuses to let him complete the simplest task.
The story
Frank heads out for groceries but ends up at an abandoned fairground, sending his first “I am not at the shops” text; his family laughs it off until more bizarre updates arrive.
Reality glitches as Frank meets versions of himself in a warehouse, diner, and moving train, all denying the shops; his wife discovers CCTV footage that shows him nowhere at all.
Frank reaches a final crossroads, chooses to stay lost rather than return home, and the family receives one last message confirming he is still, technically, nowhere near the shops.
The cast
Middle-aged suburban father who treats every errand like a quest yet always ends up lost in his own excuses.
dream cast: Paul Rudd
Frank’s pragmatic wife who starts amused but grows terrified as her husband’s denials rewrite their shared reality.
dream cast: Carrie Coon
Frank’s son who turns detective, hacking apps and CCTV to prove his dad is hiding something bigger than forgotten milk.
dream cast: Timothée Chalamet
A stranger who keeps appearing at every impossible location, claiming she’s the only one who truly sees Frank.
dream cast: Awkwafina
The one person who insists Frank never left the parking lot, becoming both villain and only source of truth.
dream cast: Willem Dafoe
Dream crew
in the style of Taika Waititi — for his deadpan absurdity
in the style of Charlie Kaufman — for reality-bending mind-benders
in the style of Alexandre Desplat — for whimsical tension scores
Cold open
INT. SUBURBAN KITCHEN - DAY FRANK, 42, stares into an empty fridge. He grabs keys. FRANK Milk. That’s it. Back in ten. He exits. The door clicks shut. EXT. STRIP MALL PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER Frank’s car sits empty. A crow lands on the roof. Frank’s phone buzzes on the passenger seat: “On my way.” CUT TO: EXT. ABANDONED FAIRGROUND - DUSK Frank stands on cracked asphalt, carousel frozen behind him. He types on a cracked screen. FRANK (V.O.) Diane, relax. I am not at the shops. Wind howls. The lights flicker on by themselves. Frank looks up, confused, and walks toward the glowing midway.
Why now
In an era of endless errands, ghosting texts, and reality-warping algorithms, audiences crave a comedy that weaponizes the tiny lie “I’m not there yet” until it swallows an entire life.
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